Persona's Secret Diary
by Wrath of Athena
Summary: Persona. Trapped inside the toilet. How will he ever get out? At least Persona’s not lonely for he’s accompanied by his diary & made a new, but rather eccentric, friend. [Page 15 onwards on the way. Old reviewers don't have to review this chappie again.]
1. Page 1: Of Diaries and Dates

_There are just some things that are better left unknown about our Persona…EXTREMELY OOC._

**GAKUEN ALICE** **IS NOT MINE….though I wish Persona was real so I can make him clean my room.**

**Warning: **Beware of extreme OOC-ness.

**Author's Notes: **This fanfic has evolved from a silly fanfic to one with an actual plot. I don't see the evil characters in Gakuen Alice for their bad traits. My whole experience doing psychological reports and reading different kinds of books taught me to look deeper into the possibilities of one's personality. (The brain is very beautiful and complex. Evil people may be hiding some good or dorky traits; good people are also capable of the worst bitch-slapping you can imagine – it's called the Lucifer effect. For your information, someone like Adolf Hitler used to be generally known as a good person by his acquaintances. :p)

MAN! I did a LOT of revision from Page 1-34...tweaked the plot (don't expect the _exact_ main plot as the previous version...I already gave it away so what's the point using it, ne?), deleted some parts, discovered further grammatical errors, added the lost comedy somewhere in the later chapters...blah! Who in her right mind would revise _all_ 34 pages??! Am I the first weirdo who did this? YAAAY! I guess I can't force myself to update if I don't feel like it. My sense of humor tends to be replaced by my sense of horror. Haha. You might find it interesting that I was listening Rainbow Brite Christmas songs while I was revising this Persona fic, hohoho-! Fear Rainbow Brite! Muahahaha!

Rated T for slanguage.

This is dedicated to the most misunderstood character in Gakuen Alice - Persona. Your fans love you no matter what anybody says.

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Friendship / Humor

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 1**

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**Wednesday, 10:00 pm**

Dear Diary,

I bought you in Central Town today, disguised as my amazingly handsome drop-dead gorgeous other self, Serio. _Damn! That saleslady was hot!_ Anyway as I was saying, I decided to buy you because the academy believed I needed a better outlet than bullying the self-esteem out of Natsume Hyuuga. (I mean, come on! What's a better outlet than that?)

Damn theeeeeeeeem.

I was having _so_ much fun with it too. Damn those politicians always wanting the fun for themselves. Do you call that fair, dear diary? It's not, right? I'm glad you understand.

Wow, having a diary might not be a bad idea after all. It's a good outlet. You truly understand how I feel. Those romantic morons are right all this time? Wow.

Let me list the top 3 things that I'm going to like about you my dear, dear diary…

1) You never answer back.

2) You are mine --- all mine.

3) You always agree with me.

From now on, you'll be sleeping under my pillow where nobody will find you. If they do, I'll kill them.

Maybe I'll ask out that beautiful blonde saleslady in that store tomorrow.

I have to take leave now, dear diary.

That delicious boy Natsume is back from his mission.

I have to hide you.

O-----------------------------o

**Friday, 5:00 pm**

Dear Diary,

Do you remember that hot saleslady I was talking about? She agreed to go out on a date with me! Can you believe it? I can't wait!

LUCKY.

She's so goddamn lucky to go out with someone like me.

My date's in an hour. I have to prepare now. I'll tell you all about it when I get home.

Adieu!

O-----------------------------o

**Friday, 7:00 pm**

Dear Diary,

I told you two hours ago that I had a date, right?

DAMN! It was the WORST date of my life.

SHIT! The girl turned out to be that goddamn Narumi.

That crazy cross-dressing man! I can't believe he led me on!

THAT GUY IS MENTAL!

I'm too exhausted to write…maybe tomorrow. Goodnight!

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**To be continued…**

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	2. Page 2: Dreaming of Lunch, Song, and Me

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Friendship / Humor

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 2**

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**Tuesday, 11 am**

Dear Diary,

I'm telling you, dear diary, this afternoon was magic! The second I laid my eyes on her, it's probably what the taste of sweetness would look like (if it had a face)!

Don't give any meaning to it, naughty diary. I simply wanted to snatch her and do as I pleased. Unfortunately, the brat Natsume clung to her like a goddamn leech, all throughout their lunch break. How the heck would I get what I wanted?

I kept wondering when I'll get the chance to be alone with her.

And ask her what I've been longing to ask...

Watching her pigtails swing back and forth kept my boredom in check. I remained silent, lurking in the shadows, hidden from both the brat and his little nullification kitty.

I didn't know what happened to me. It's been a long time since I felt this way, and it's all because of that piece of heaven (don't mistake it for that repulsive "date" with Narumi last week).

Damn that nullification girl holding on to that chocolate bar so greedily.

I wanted to know where she bought it but I never had the chance to ask her.

It looked so delicious too.

O-----------------------------o

**Wednesday, 3 pm**

Here I am sitting all alone underneath the shade oif a tree, peacefully enjoying my quality time with you.

You don't know how much you mean to me, dear diary. Because of you, I was even inspired to write a song about you. Do you want me to write it to you? Of course you do! I'll be damned if you didn't you sly diary you. Here goes nothing…you better like it!

_Oh diary diary diary_

_You always listen to me_

_Oh diary diary diary_

_With me under a tree_

_Diary this diary that diary all around_

_Diary diary at day diary at night_

_Oh baby yeah yeah yeah._

_Oooooooooh._

_Baby diary yeah!_

I'm extremely multi-talented. You agree with me, don't you dear diary? Of course you do.

O-----------------------------o

**Friday, 2 pm**

Dear Diary,

Hayate asked the stupidest question during our scheduled dangerous ability type meeting last night.

"Have you ever been in love?"

I would have dismissed it as petty, but after yesterday, when I overheard him tell Natsume I didn't look like someone who had a love life, I wanted to kill him. That idiot Hayate had no talent in whispering. It was loud enough for everyone to hear for god's sake! To save my dignity from further disgrace, I used my alice on him (the love struck imbecile) and told him never to bring up such trivial things again. That'll teach him. Who did he think he was?

I know what it feels like to be in love! Actually, I'm still in love…

…love is the very reason why I always look forward to waking up in the morning. You see, dear diary, simply remembering the experience of witnessing such beauty sends electric currents down my entire body.

I love seeing myself in the mirror.

My reflection is the definition of beauty, and I am forever happy to see it every morning.

Hah! Had I not been cursed by this wretched alice, I'll make millions of yen being a super model. It's one of my life long dreams, diary. Why can't I be allowed to fulfill this dream?! Will it forever stay and rot in my imagination?

Life is too unfair.

I heard an internet shop will open for business in Central Town tomorrow.

Maybe I'll go check it out and there I will drown in my misery.

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**To be continued…**

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	3. Page 3: Of Chatting and ExGirlfriends

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Friendship / Humor

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 3**

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**Saturday, 9 am**

Dear Diary,

Damn, damn, damn! I never thought this would happen to me!

Did you know the owner of the internet shop was Serina?

For your information, she's my ultra hot extra spicy ex-girlfriend.

Had she not been a lesbian (I have nothing against lesbians), I'll probably hit on her again. She dumped me for the measly reason that I looked too manly for her. Can you believe the woman? Dumping _me_ for such a stupid reason. Excuse me! It's because of _me_ the word "beauty" exists??

She's an idiot for letting go of a man like me. (But then again, she doesn't like men.)

Yes, the favorite _sensei_ of the latent ability types is really a lesbian. I have no intention of exposing her deepest, darkest secret but it has always been a temptation. I chose not to reveal it because of the following reasons: 1) _She _was the one who dumped me; and 2) everyone will know I dated a woman who likes other women. My colleagues will never let me hear the end of it. I'd rather keep my mouth shut than have my reputation ruined!

Before my ramble wanders from the real topic, let's go back to what happened inside the stupid internet shop.

I was there dressed as my other handsome self, Serio. I tried to pretend I didn't see Serina, and it seemed she was all too happy to ignore me too. What she didn't know was I checked her out, just a teen weensy bit, and she still looked hot wearing a sundress. I started remembering all our escapades during the short time we were together. The ice cream, the whipped cream, and the facial cream --- ah, good memories. I've buried all of it in the past. I'm beginning to forget what it feels like to have a girlfriend.

Serina ordered one of her students to escort me, walked out of the shop, and that was the last time I saw her. Honestly, I'd rather not face her.

The boy she sent me grinned and pointed at an open terminal.

I sat there, brushed my wild bangs away, and clicked on the shortcut to a chat room. Yes, I know how to use a computer. I know about HTML, surfing, and all that other internet crap. But there can only be one thing I truly love about the internet: CHAT.

I love chatting! I became addicted to it since the day I stole Misaki's newly purchased laptop. (He was busy chasing after Narumi for stealing plants from his greenhouse again so I got away with it.)

Rui, one of my students in the dangerous ability type, knew how to use it and taught me everything he knew.

Let's go back to chatting, shall we? I will not waste this space for Rui.

I was having a grand time flaming everybody in the chat room when someone sent me a PM. The person thought I was hot. I got intrigued. If this person found me hot online, what more if she sees me in person? I'd love to see her reaction when she sees me!

So we talked some more and we got to know each other better. Her username is PigtailedOrange.

I agreed to meet up with her. Too busy, she said. But she promised she'll find time.

Who is that person? Could she be a student in the academy? Oh well! I'll know the instant we meet.

My mind is racing right now, dear diary. What will I wear? What perfume should I use? Should I wear a thong? I have so many thongs that I don't know which one will be the best. Thongs make men look hot, and since I'm hot by nature, it makes me look hotter.

When I finished my session, I noticed that the young boy's eyes (the one Serina sent to escort me) were twinkling. He ass grinning madly from the entrance.

What was his damage?

Anyway, I paid for my session to a girly-looking boy and walked towards the entrance.

I glared at the grinning boy.

"What do you want?"

The boy shook his head and answered nothing.

"Then what the hell are you smiling about?"

He answered he was daydreaming about his crush.

Stupid kids bothering me with their love lives! Rolling my eyes, I pushed the door to exit the shop.

The girly-boy at the counter suddenly called the weird kid. I think the weird kid's name was something like Kokoroyomi.

Why does that kid bother my thoughts until now, dear diary?

Anyway, next to me, you're the most beautiful thing in the world.

Maybe I'll go back to that shop tomorrow.

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**To be continued…**

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	4. Page 4: PigtailedOrange is WHO?

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Friendship / Humor

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 4**

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**Monday, 5 pm**

Dear Diary,

I can't stop thinking about 'Pigtailed Orange'. I want to know who she is!

Her love for me haunts my dreams, my nightmares, and all my REM cycle stages! Who could she be? This calls for an investigation! Let's work as a team, dear diary.

Here are the clues:

She's got pigtails.

She's connected to oranges (it's either the color or the fruit).

She likes me.

Serina and Natsume are definitely out. (Thank god!)

We'll start investigating the identity of this 'PigtailedOrange' first thing tomorrow morning!

o-------------------------o

**Tuesday, 1 pm**

Dear Diary,

What the hell? What kind of day is this? Never in my whole sinful life have I heard an "ORANGES ARE GOOD FOR THE HEALTH DAY!" in Alice Academy!

How lame is that?

Everybody in this academy had their hair styled in pigtails and used orange fruit clips, except me of course. Even the bald ones wore pigtailed wigs! (Although I have to admit that brat Natsume looked ridiculous in those pigtails.)

How the hell am I supposed to know who 'Pigtailed Orange' is _now_?

Maybe I can log on to that chat room again.

She might be online this very minute!

I have to change as Serio…

o-------------------------o

**Tuesday, 3 pm**

Dear Diary,

Smack me now, dear diary.

I know who 'PigtailedOrange' is. Let me fill you in with the details.

I told you a while ago she might be online, right? Well, she's online all right!

We had a good time chatting but then my eyes suddenly flicked on to the monitor beside me. And guess what I read there? The username 'Pigtailed Orange'! But that wasn't why I was shocked, dear diary, hell NO!

The one sitting right in front of the monitor was JINNO! (Yes, dear diary, Jinno is 'PigtailedOrange'.)

'PigtailedOrange' is a freaking HE all this time! Of all the crappy things that could happen to me! Why do these things always happen to me?? As if that wasn't bad enough, Jinno noticed I was staring at him! Then you know what happened? The old man WINKED at me! WINKED! Man, it was downright creepy!

Mother of Buddha, I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

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**To be continued…**

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	5. Page 5: Evil Jinno, Cute Hamster?

**Author's Notes: **Dedicated to **ethereal collision's hammy-wammy, Hamtaro**. (koochi-koochi-koooooo…)

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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**Page 5**

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**Thursday, 10 am**

Dear Diary,

Did Jinno think I'm _that_ naive? I found a letter from him on my desk this morning.

Written in careful script on the parchment was an invitation to a meeting at his place - dinner time.

Who knows what's waiting for me there?

Maybe it was indeed a meeting, as he claimed, but then again, maybe not. Either way, I thought it best to reject his offer. You can't blame me for doubting the man, dear diary, because:

1) It was written on scented stationery.

2) The envelope was sealed using a sticker…a heart-shaped sticker.

3) It ended with '_Respectfully yours with love, Jinno'_.

I have enough reason to doubt his intentions.

But that's not the problem, you see. I tore the letter into who-knows-how-many pieces and turned around only to find out he was standing right behind me. Naturally, I walked out on him. Is it so wrong to reject an 'invitation' from someone?

So why do I feel like something bad will happen?

o-------------------------o

**Friday, 4 pm**

Dear Diary,

Can my sorry life get any worse? I overheard a portion of my dangerous ability-type students' conversation a while go. I usually spend my time bullying my students. But since I'm temporarily banned from my favorite past time, I was having a boring afternoon walk instead.

While I was gazing at the clouds, I heard voices from behind a bush. It was Hayate. He was also with the brat, Natsume.

"Hey Natsume, have you heard?"

"Heard what? Go away."

"No, no! You've got to hear this…it's about Persona."

"Go away."

"Come on, Natsume! I know you're pretending you're not interested but you really are…"

"Do you want to get burned?"

"…Jinno said Persona has a small pee-pee."

"…"

I can't believe they think I have a tiny…_THING_! (No, I'm not going to bother explaining what that thing is…)

Damn.

o-------------------------o

**Saturday, 6 am**

Dear Diary,

I took another walk this dim dreary morning, silently contemplating the rumor Jinno started. Apparently, the students are too scared to make fun of me. Thank God for my bad reputation! Hah! I apologize dear diary, that was too OOC of me. But that's not the point of this entry.

So where was I? Oh yeah…

I was silently contemplating if Jinno's rumor had something to do with my turning down his invitation. In the middle of hypothesizing, I heard a tiny squeak. Looking around, my eyes locked with a pair of beady eyes.

My gosh, dear diary! It was a hamster!

Never have I seen a _real live_ hamster in my whole life! I don't even know we have those here in Alice Academy!

Natsumefudgealiscious! It was the cutest thing I have ever seen!

We stared at each other for a minute. Oh dear diary, sparks flew! We had a connection – a wonderful connection I have never felt in my whole life. It was so cute scrunched like a ball, feasting on whatever it is it was munching on; when it stared up at me its cuteness I found beyond any description.

For the first time in my life I wanted to touch something out of admiration. It's too darn cute! So I reached out and to my surprise, the hamster approached curiously! It felt the same way!

My finger was about to touch its cute little fur...

…when it bit me and ran away.

Stupid hamster.

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**To be continued…**

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**End notes: **Evil Hamster – 1 : Persona - 0


	6. Page 6: Birth of a DJ!

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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**Page 6**

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**Tuesday, 9 am**

Dear Diary,

The high school principal sat beside me today.

He's soooo cute (keep it a secret, okay?).

He came up with an ingenious program that may get rid of my aggression issues! He did it all for me! ME!

You see, he started a "Radio Alice Academy" program, and seeing as I'm multi-talented _and _good-looking, I get to be the DJ! Wow! They will hide my identity as not to create any uproar. I'm so excited! My irresistible voice will be aired beginning tomorrow!

Later dear diary! I'm off to celebrate by running around the school 100 times.

Until later, dear diary. I'm off to finish a book I borrowed from the library: "Getting Rid of Anger for Dummies."

o-------------------------o

**Tuesday, 11:55 am**

Dear Diary,

I've been a radio DJ for quite a while now.

My name on air is DJ Peepee Don't Cry. It's a stupid alias but since the high school principal gave it to me, I couldn't possibly say no. You see, part of my show is to answer questions from listeners sent in my e-mail. Let me share with you some of their questions. I'll copy them here. (Maybe this will be useful someday…)

Here goes.

Stupid Questions & Requests by AliceAcademy Idiots

Dear DJ Peepee Don't Cry, why are you crying? Are you sad? – Anna U.

Dear DJ Peepee, have you seen Persona? Are you hiding him? Tell him he can't hide from me dammit! – PigtailedOrange

Dear DJ Peepee, HELP ME! My classmate is an idiot! He called me stupid just because I said babies come from birds! That's what my grandpa said! Tell me he's wrong! – Mikan Sakura

Dear DJ Peepee, do you ever sleep? You're always on air. – Pyrokid

Dear DJ Peepee, if someone sends you a picture of me, please keep it a secret. Don't tell on air what you will see. Thank you. – Ruka Nogi

Dear DJ Peepee, have you ever tried wearing a skirt? You should! It feels gooood! – Narumi

Dear DJ Peepee, attached in this email is an interesting picture. Please describe how the guy there looks like on air. I'll pay you. Oh, and by any chance, have you seen a hamster around? It escaped from my lab during an experiment. – Hotaru Imai

Dear DJ Peepee Don't Cry, why do you have such a strange alias? – Nonoko

…

Morons.

o-------------------------o

**Friday, 1 pm**

Dear Diary,

Work, work, work. That's all I ever do these days. Since I became a DJ, I spend my entire days and nights on air! It's so exhausting!

I had a strange phone call from an anonymous caller today. Here's how it went:

"Good afternoon beauuuutiful people of Alice Academy! Like, don't you think it's a beautiful day?"

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

"Ah, we have an anonymous caller!" Click. "Hello?"

"Ah."

"Hello! You're speaking to DJ Peepee Don't Cry, and you're on air!"

"Ah. Ah? "

"What are you talking about?"

"Ah!"

Then someone shouted from the background.

"Youuichiiii! Don't touch Hotaru's inventions! She'll kill meee!"

A click and that's the end of it.

What was that all about?

Ah mystery…

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**To be continued…**

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	7. Page 7: Dolphins & A Little Monster

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor/General

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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**Page 7**

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**Wednesday, 10 am**

Dear Diary,

Part of my job in Radio Alice Academy is to cover any big event happening outside the academy.

Real entertainment, huh? Not.

I had to dress up as Serio again, in order to hide my identity as "DJ Peepee Don't Cry."

It turned out my next big coverage was a Dolphin Show.

So I went on and on describing every bloody detail of the show, reacting with the 'oohs' and the 'aahs' of the crowd.

I decided to take a closer look at the dolphins. I wonder, dear diary, if these dolphins worked to avoid being turned into 'whale' meat, just like me. The only difference is I'd be 'dead' meat. (Believe me, the administration head has a bad temper.)

Oh well. My appointment with the trainer will be in a few minutes.

o-------------------------o

**Wednesday, 2 pm**

Dear Diary,

Here I am, outside, pondering the meaning of life.

A while ago, I was at the basement of the aquarium where the dolphins are held. I watched them, to my amusement, swim effortlessly underwater. Seeing them frolic in such a carefree way made me jealous. Why can't I do that?

Then I remembered I was in the middle of an interview.

"So how do you train your fish?" I asked.

The trainer raised her brows. "Fish? They're mammals, you idiot."

"Yeah. Mammaries. Right."

"…I think I want to go to the toilet." Muttering, the trainer walked away.

I shrugged. "Okay." I returned to watching dolphins, mesmerized by their graceful movements and the silly way they nod their heads. To my surprise, one of them approached. But something was wrong. Something didn't feel right. I noticed there was another tiny creature swimming its way towards me. Pushing my nose against the glass to get a better look, I squinted and got the shock of my life.

It was the same hamster that bit me! And it's swimming underwater!

WHAT THE HELL! What kind of hamster was it??

The hamster stopped swimming and floated in front of me. It grinned mockingly, exposing its puny buck teeth.

"Hey, what are you doing?" said a voice from behind. It was the trainer, back from the toilet. I turned to her, pointing frantically at the mutant hamster. "L-LOOK! A hamster is swimming underwater!!"

The trainer laughed dryly. "Come on. That's bull. You're pulling my leg, mister." I could see her peek over my shoulder. "Hamsters don't swim underwater. See? There's no hamster there."

"WHAT!"

"Heh."

I turned back to the glass and the hamster was gone!

A curious dolphin was poking its nose against the glass instead. "But…"

In an attempt to make her believe, I searched the pool from where I was standing. When I looked back at the trainer, I realized she brought along two extra-muscled bodyguards. Their muscles were all over their bodies, some even piling on top of other muscles. Holy muscles!

"That's the weird guy I'm telling you about. Kick him out," the trainer said.

So here I am, sitting in the middle of the parking lot on a bench --- pondering the meaning of life.

I didn't notice that the bench had a "Wet Paint" signboard beside it, and to make things worse, the color of the bench was red! I can't possibly go home with red paint on my butt!

The high school principal won't pick me up until five.

Damn it. I hate my life.

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**To be continued…**

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**End notes: **Evil Hamster – 2 : Persona – 0.


	8. Page 8: Lament of a Radio Counselor I

**Warning: **Persona will be OOC (Out-Of-Character) here. Plus there are a lot of perverted narrations here. You've been warned.

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor/General

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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**Page 8**

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**Friday, 11 am**

Dear Diary,

Never in a million years did I consider a psychiatrist to be my next inspiration for the birth of a new radio segment.

After the mayhem I caused in the dolphin show assignment - which was nerve-racking for my blood pressure at the cost of my butt - the administration decided to send me to a psychiatrist for the mere reason of attempting to rub the paint off my rear against their brand new signature Alice Academy uniforms.

Seriously, I don't see the difference between a new and an old uniform except perhaps your body odor forever entrenched in its fibers that even the best detergents can't dissolve (if it's really that bad). They all looked the same to me. I simply wanted to add some decorations. Even so, why did they have to send me to a shrink?

I realized the boredom of being banned from bullying cute little boys was affecting my sanity on a whole new level.

I seriously need to get a hold of myself.

Well anyway, the visit wasn't that bad.

It turned out the psychiatrist understood my situation. He said I needed to find an alternative outlet for my aggression, perhaps in the area of creativity. An idea struck like lightning. Why not give advice on air? Perhaps I can do this world a favor and guide these brat-lings into believing there's still hope in the world. Whoever thought I'd be a counselor?

In my hand, at present, is the approval letter for the "Radio Advice Program" I proposed.

I'll stick it here between your very pages as a souvenir.

I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

---------------O

**Saturday, 7 am**

Dear Diary,

My first day as a radio counselor had a simple routine. I receive calls. I listen to their problems. They ask me how to solve their problem. I give advice. Then I put down the phone and feel like I'm the smartest person in the entire planet.

The last part wasn't even brought about by narcissism, dear diary. I admit to being a narcissist and it makes me feel good indulging in self glory, but I never expected I'd feel this same "goodness" in my current job.

Let me explain.

Each time the phone rang I'd sip from my cup of coffee, and wonder what kind of problem they'd ask me. I start coming up with answers to questions on the problem with globalization and its effect on the academy, the problems with the current political system prohibiting students from achieving higher education outside the school, and even stupid things like how fluff puff is related to adrenaline rush and depression.

When the phone rang, I could barely control my excitement.

My _first_ call!

I knew the time had come to begin my very first advice session.

Trying to fight the perspiration on my palms through sheer willpower, I pushed some buttons to open the line. An eerily familiarand feminine male voice seeped through the receiver, promptly asking if it was DJ Peepee Don't Cry he was talking to. I wanted to answer "Who else could it be, idiot?" but settled for "Yes, it's me!" pretending I actually respect his lack of common sense.

"I have a big problem," he said. My voice box was getting itchier by the minute, but I stuck to my resolve and kept quiet. Forcing the nasty thoughts out of my head for good, I concentrated on keeping my ears attached to my brain. He continued, "I can't choose which color best suits me….what do you think DJ Peepee? Purple or pink?"

I knew then the voice belonged to Narumi.

I let out a fake amused laugh.

"Neither. But I'm sure you'll look good with pants on. Wear those more often. Ha-ha!"

"Really?" A pause. "Heeey! What do you mean by that?!"

"Thank you for calling! I'm happy to be of service!"

I decided to end it. I took another sip of coffee before answering the next call.

"Hello DJ Peepee! I'm Mikan Sakura! You've seen my letter before right??"

"Ohhh I do, sweetheart! I remember it! So what advice can I give you today?"

Of course I knew her. She's the nullification imp hanging out with good old bratty Natsume. I wondered what kind of problem she had. The kid didn't seem to be the type who harbored problems for long. She also deemed capable of handling her own problems, or at least that wa sthe impression I got. Still considering the possibility that under that dim-witted façade lies within a hidden genius, she suddenly brought up a surprising question.

"I'm deeply troubled by something. I need to know the answer to this, DJ Peepee. How do you have sex?"

I tried not to choke. "What??"

"Well, I overheard that babies had something to do with having sex. But I still don't understand it. I'm female. So I have a sex."

Ignorance can be scary. Had you been the recipient of such a grabby question, what would you do? As for me, seeing as I was forced to display my adult prowess to a ten-year old girl on the subject of sex – the very phase of pre-adolescence parents dread, and also the reason why I've been pressing the administration to allot more funds to the school's guidance center which they never really got around to doing - I knew had to think of something fast. I wanted to tell her "Maybe you're better off not trying to!" but who am I to deprive this girl information about the real world? Although I thought it foolhardy to ask such a question on air, I decided to make her life more exciting. What do I have to lose?

"Let me tell you something. If a male and a female are in love and they make babies…how do you think they made babies?"

"Umm…is it because of sex?"

"That's correct. You wanted to know how to have sex, right? Well, here's what you do. For starters, the male and female kiss on the lips and draw their bodies closer. The male will refuse to let go and enter his thingy inside the female."

There was a very long pause.

"Oh no!!!" she cried.

"What now?"

"Natsume kissed me and I felt his…tongue….tree….ugh! I thought it was just a French kiss but it was…oh nooo! So we had sex that time?!" she wailed, obviously in a state of panic. "We're going to have a baby?! What should I do?! THAT PERVERT! NATSUUUUMEEEEE!"

Before I could point out that she was screaming this all over the school, the line went dead.

It went too fast – the nullification girl's advice for the meaning of sex.

I gave time to think things over. She announced to everybody that Natsume kissed her, then mentioned the words 'tongue'', 'tree', and 'french kiss'. She mistook 'having sex' with 'french kissing'. The rest of the pieces began to fall into place.

I laughed my pants off for a good two minutes.

I'm going to take a break now, dear diary. My stomach hurts.

o----------------------------------------------------------------------------O

**To be continued…**

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	9. Page 9: Lament of a Radio Counselor II

**Warning: **Persona will be OOC (Out-Of-Character) here. This chapter also contains profanity. You've been warned.

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor/General

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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**Page 9**

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**Saturday, 5 pm**

Dear Diary,

Karma, a word often misunderstood, is an undesirable event I was sure I'll never experience.

Why is this so?

First and foremost, I don't really believe in karma when applied to myself. (Perhaps my overconfidence could be blamed for this.) I only believe in it when other people are involved. So I found it unsurprising when, during the second part of the radio segment, an unexpected caller entered my counseling life – shattering my delusions of immutability from karma.

The same old ring propelled me to turn on the switch so the caller could be put on air. As soon as I did all the prerequisites, I heard a bizarre voice from the other line. It was a high-pitched attempt to sound like a ventriloquist making a bunny talk. Nevertheless, I knew better than that. The abnormally shrill tone was too obvious for comfort. The voice surely belonged to a man or – had my hunch been incorrect – it could have been a woman with a bad case of tonsilitis.

"This is…?" I started, torn between the feeling of disgust and horror. The temptation to switch off the 'on air' button - on purpose – nagged me diligently.

The person on the other end of the line answered before I came to a decision.

"Oh, you can call me Pigtailed Orange sweetie," he said. The horrendous cackle that followed made me want to throw up all the five cups of coffee I drank this morning. Good thing I flushed everything from my excretory system before going on air.

Pigtailed Orange, or should I say, Jinno.

I would have done anything to donate my eardrums to charity, but there I was stuck in front of a machine giving advice to the last person I wanted to talk to. I began thinking of a plan to escape the mess I've gotten myself into, but my better sense told me to get a grip.

I tried to think as rationally as possible.

Jinno didn't know it was really I, the strong and handsome Persona, talking on air, did he? All he knew was that I was a DJ who went by the name of Peepee Don't Cry. Maybe I can play it safe and hope against hope that he won't recognize me. He's a stalker. Who knows what he can do?

"You know, I'm in love with this man who keeps on denying that he loves me…" he rambled.

"Awww…that's so sad."

His pitch went higher and higher. "…but then, I found you DJ Peepee. I think I love you."

"What?! Uhhh I mean…oh my."

"But if this other person knew about it, and if it turns out that he loves me, what would I do then, DJ Peepee?"

I remember wiping the perspiration off my forehead. Could I have wiped away the situation like I did with my sweat, perhaps things would be much easier.

He was after my alter-ego! I lost count of the number of gods I cursed, dear diary. I tried my best to be as understanding as I can manage, but I never expected _this_! At first I thought it to be an exaggerated test of my patience, but then I remembered the "advice" I so whole-heartedly gave to Narumi and that nullification girl.

It was probably karma.

But what did I do to deserve it? I've always been evil. It's nothing out of the ordinary, so why be victimized by karma now?

I decided not to risk challenging things I couldn't explain. I ransacked my vocabulary for more ethical synonym to the word I had in mind --- no matter how oxymoron it may sound.

"You should tell your true feelings to this other person," I pointed out. "And you should choose one between them you know. It's unfair to the other person. You can't fall in love with two people at the same time and call yourself sincere."

I tried to ignore the fact that the other person was actually me, making my advice invalid because DJ Peepee and Persona happen to be one person. But Jinno didn't need to know that. You're the only one who knows this secret, dear diary.

"Yeah…you're right. Maybe I should." He agreed, still using his soprano voice. "Since I can't find Persona anywhere, you're now my true love! Thank you DJ Peepee! Mwah! Bye bye!"

I immediately regretted offering my advice.

I should have deactivated that goddamn 'on air' button when I had the chance.

O-----------------------------o

**Saturday, 5:30 pm.**

Dear Diary,

There are just some things even I couldn't predict.

I received another weird call during my advice segment. "Hello? DJ speaking, how may I help you today?"

"Oh! DJ Peepee! I can't believe I'm actually talking to you! I'm Shouda Sumire!" Several female voices could be heard shrieking at the background, bringing me nothing but confusion. "We'll be honored if you give us advice!"

"I'll be happy to. What assistance may I provide for you today, Ms. Shouda?"

"Well, with me being the president, I decided to change the name of our club to 'Natsume, Ruka, and Peepee fansclub'! You're so cool you know?! I'm your number one fan too!!!" she squealed. "Well, do you think the name sounds good enough for you? We need your advice on that."

The yipping female squad squeezed through the line again.

I never had women shriek for me before nor include me as the object of a fans club existence. The few females who screamed at me were those who I threatened to kill, and the one fans club ever been put up for me was the 'Persona is Hot and Sexy Fansclub' which is comprised of me as the president and you, my diary, as the member.

I decided to ignore how these girls were oblivious to the real meaning of 'Peepee'. You know, now that I think about it, the school treats me like a _peepee_. They try to hide me but end up showing me off when they need to break someone. Maybe this is why I feel like I have some kind of connection with it, and this also explains why I was so offended when Jinno said I had a small _peepee_. My peepee is precious. Nobody has the right to make fun of it except perhaps, my future wife – once I manage to fool a woman into marrying me.

Anyway, going back to my fans-club…

Whoever guessed I would acquire a fans-club in less than a day?

My life must be going somewhere good.

They like me.

They really, really like me!

Oh joy!

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**To be continued…**

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	10. Page 10: Displacement Means Revenge!

**Warning: **Persona will be OOC (Out-Of-Character) here. This chapter also contains profanity. You've been warned.

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This fanfic is a part of GAFN - **Gakuen** **Alice Fanfiction Network**. Visit my profile for more information. Join us!

o----------------------------------------------------------------------------O

**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor/General

Written By: WizdomGoddess

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**Page 10**

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**Tuesday, 10 am.**

Dear Diary,

I can't believe this!

I really _really_ can't believe this!

I'm mortified!

Angry!

Mad!

The stupid school fired me from the one job I liked! How dare they tell me that I'm a "lousy and incompetent" radio counselor?! There goes my counseling stunt! There goes my creative streak! All flushed down the toilet.

Grrrrrrrr! I hate them all!

I will not tolerate this injustice!!! I will have my revenge!!!!

--------------------O

**Tuesday, 11 am.**

Dear Diary,

It's been a full hour since all my dreams of being a radio counselor popped like a bubble. I've been thinking what kind of revenge I should orchestrate.

Any suggestions, dear diary?

Hmmmm….oooooh! That's right! You're so smart, dear diary! I love you (next to myself of course)! I'm going to annoy the hell out of them until their teeth turns yellow and their eyes become black. Bwahahahaha!

I'll do it sneakily, dear diary.

Just wait and see. I'll tell you everything later.

--------------------O

**Tuesday, 12 nn.**

Dear Diary,

That was absolutely….satisfying.

Take away the position I love the most eh? Let's see about that.

I started a food fight in the cafeteria.

Believe me. I had a great time watching those kids smother each other with soup and pasta.

The best part was when a pair of half-sliced melons got stuck on Jinno's chest when he tried to stop them, and it looked like he had boobs!

God, that was hilarious!

I can get used to this.

The best part: those idiots didn't have to know it's me. I mean, come on, why would the scary Persona start a food fight? Is he even capable of doing something like that?

I'm off to come up with more ways to annoy people here in the Academy.

So long dear diary!

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**To be continued…**

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	11. Page 11: An Odor to Die For

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor / Friendship

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 11**

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**Thursday, 7 am.**

Dear Diary,

I might have been a cruel monster to everyone but regardless of all those years of displaced angst, my conscience has never given up on me; so when it kicked in, I was forced to listen to moralistic speeches I wouldn't have considered ten minutes ago.

I guess even someone like Jinno didn't deserve public embarassment, albeit I still found his image with grown breasts amusing. Moreover, Narumi didn't deserve to be blamed by Jinno and be placed in quarantine for psychopathic faculty behavior, all because of what I did. If I realized this sooner, then I wouldn't have started the food fight and gotten away with it. You see, my conscience is also a real procrastinator and it acted too late.

In fear that it might be too late to make up for what I did, I decided to get the guilt off my chest. I could at least deceive myself into believing I am free from any repercussions by telling it to someone I trust - to unload and confide the burden of seeing everything that resembled breasts associated to Jinno off my shoulders, and hopefully, out of my life.

Wait for me, dear diary. I'm off to an appointment.

I shall admit my deed to my psychiatrist.

Maybe he could help.

O-----------------------------o

**Thursday, 1 pm.**

Dear Diary,

Dressed up as Serio, I encountered Rui and Hayate on my way to the school psychiatrist's office.

It's a good thing the office was located on the next floor, else my hard-earned negative reputation would have been screwed. They'll probably wonder what I'm doing in the floor where most of the detention rooms are and Hayate, in particular, will lose no time in spreading the word among the dangerous ability types and I will have no other choice but to murder him.

The two asked me where I was going and if there were any more missions left for them to partake. I made an excuse that lessons were cancelled for the day and they had the whole afternoon to themselves. I added that they need to prepare for the next mission in an attempt to sound professional. It's not as if they needed to know the teacher that frightened the wits out of them was undergoing therapy, seeking comfort from an ordinary man armed with a clinical psychology doctorate.

The great, Persona (none other than me) --- zero: Persona's psychiatrist --- one. It's probably as bad as that psycho-hamster running loose in the academy. (Wherever that stupid rodent is, I wish it all the jinxes in the world. Hopefully, a hungry stray cat is chasing it now.)

There are simply some things they don't need to know - things I'd rather not tell.

After an exchange of monosyllabic words, I turned to the corner where the stairway was located. I halted and leaned against the wall to rest. Hayate and Rui assumed I was gone and – distinguishing from the sound they produced - both exhaled the breaths they seemed to have accumulated in their lungs.

They started talking.

I listened. It wasn't really my original intention to eavesdrop, but finding myself in such a glorious opportunity, I couldn't help myself.

"Whew. That Persona really gives me the creeps," said Hayate. "Keep this between us, Rui. But every time he's around I feel like I'm in the middle of a pig slaughter."

I frowned. Is my personality really that bad? I was curious on what Hayate had to say about me, and why I reminded him of pigs being slaughtered. It's the first time I heard of something like that and it thrilled me for a strange reason.

Rui scoffed. "Why do you say that?"

"Do you have a runny nose or what? He smells like dead pig's flesh! When do you think was the last time he took a bath?!" Hayate cried, sounding like he had been choking on his larynx. Serina produced the same croaking sound when we ate out for dinner back when we were still together. It turned out the meat she had been heartily chewing was actually the anus of a cow. The waiter had an earful from her after that.

"How did you know he smelled like dead pig's flesh anyway?" Rui asked.

"Is your nose dysfunctional or what?"

"My nose has nothing to do with this. Your nose is in question here." Rui explained. "Since you know how a dead pig's flesh smells like, you must have sniffed one before. You must be really bored, Hayate...going off during our missions to smell some dead pig."

"It was supposed to be a figure speech, moron. Well, whatever, a rancid smell is a rancid smell. Either way, Persona is contributing to the environmental pollution."

"Hahaha, I was just kidding! Geez! You're probably the only person I know who gets pissed off by someone's body odor. Persona sure stinks doesn't he?" Rui laughed, the kind of laugh you hear from someone who had a grudge on the person in question.

"Like hell he does!" Hayate snapped. His foot slammed on the floor producing a noise that sounded like a 'twank'. "Even my alice is no match for his stench. His aice is no match for his stench! Somebody should really give him a deodorant."

I wondered why I continued standing there only to listen to my students insult my existence. I found myself getting angrier and angrier. It was then I remembered the last time I took a bath was in a swamp inside the Northern Forest. I got bored and tried to steal the broom away from the psychotic stuffed bear. Next thing I knew, I was flying into the air and plunging headfirst into the swamp.

That was three weeks ago.

Maybe I really did stink.

I sniffed the entire length of my sleeves but found no difference in my aroma. I certainly didn't smell like anything close to foul. It's all natural to me. What's the fuss?

"He probably doesn't even realize he stinks." Hayate complained. "If this keeps up, we'll have a skunk for a teacher. I mean come on! I don't really care how many people we kill! But going to those meetings is one hell of a drag just thinking about putting up with his body odor again!"

Rui sighed. "I know how you feel but keep it down! If Persona hears you, you're in deep shit." The volume of his voice went a notch lower. "You know how dangerous he is when he's mad."

"The only dangerous thing around here is his body odor."

"Hayate, shut up. If that tattletale Nobara hears us there is no way I'm saving your ass," Rui warned, sounding exasperated. At least I knew one of my students knew his place. I was about to feel better when it was quickly followed by a lovely comment. "But I have to admit, given a choice between getting killed by his alice or his odor, I would definitely go for the alice."

Hayate laughed. "God Rui, you're a far worse hypocrite than I am. That's what I like about you." A loud chuckle followed suit.

"Whatever. Coming from you, I take that comment as insignificant," Rui snorted.

"It's too bad Tsubasa Andou hates people like you," Hayate teased.

Rui was silent for a few seconds. A minute of silence passed, and he finally realized Hayate has just insulted him. "I am not going to take this from a loser who got dumped without even trying," Rui retorted. "Hotaru Imai probably hates you more than Tsubasa hates me."

"_My_ Hotaru didn't dump me. She's in the denial phase."

"Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that."

Listening to my dangerous-ability students argue has always been a good past time, but after hearing this particular conversation reminded me how lucky I am to be old, grumpy, and love-life free. But nobody has the right to make fun of my odor. Don't these young people know how to respect their elders?

I decided to do some reflecting here at the base of the stairs.

I need to remind myself to put Hayate and Rui in the frontline for the next missions. Heh.

O-----------------------------o

**Thursday, 5 pm**

Dear Diary,

The counseling session helped a lot in alleviating all my negative perceptions. The psychiatrist also recommended that I take a leave of absence from Alice Academy, assign someone to substitute for the dangerous-ability types, and spend more time exploring the city.

I'm seriously considering the idea. Hot springs, sake shops, tourist spots…and maybe enroll in a foreign language or something.

What do you think?

I'll make a decision tomorrow.

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**To be continued…**

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	12. Page 12: For the Love of Daddy!

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**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor / Friendship

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 12**

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**Friday, 11 am**

Dear Diary,

I've come to the conclusion that I really do need a vacation. Life as a dangerous ability type teacher is taking its toll on my sanity. I was obliged to the school without really having a choice in it, and maybe this vacation will open the way to a new life outside the walls of the academy.

Maybe I could board a plane to another country, join a native tribe in the middle of a jungle, and run away for good. Maybe even start a family. I pictured myself snuggling with a wife inside a cozy straw hut, fussing over our newborn baby who looked like a small replica of me. We'd be wearing leaves as clothes but we won't really care. We'll even a have a snake for our family pet and I'd be feeding it the psycho-hamster.

Compared to the hell I've been through here in the academy, the primitive life sounded so alluring.

Stardom is also a note-worthy option. But I can't afford to be famous. Had my whereabouts been known, the academy would simply tap the paparazzis and drag me back by the ear. I'll be back where started.

Lost in the prospects of freedom, I didn't foresee what they had in store for me. This morning I filled up the necessary documents for my leave. I arrived at the office of the elementary school principal to seek his approval. Upon reading over my documents, he shook his head in disappointment.

"This is a bad idea. But I've been ordered to approve this unfortunately..." he said, reluctantly writing his signature above a line printed at the bottom of the leave of absence paper. "But I guess that's the way things go around here." He looked at me threateningly. "You're a valuable asset to the school, Persona. Don't try to run away. You know we'll find you."

"Understood," I lied. After all, what he didn't know won't hurt me.

In my mind, I was poking my butt tauntingly in front of his face.

The elementary school principal finished signing the papers and laid his pen on the table. I watched as he walked towards the large window behind his desk, seemingly in deep contemplation. I noticed he was only slightly taller than the table, and if I hadn't known he was a powerful alice wielder, he'd probably look like a kid playing the boss in a cheeky role-playing game.

But I knew this kid is capable of the worst atrocities you could think ofl, so I kept the thought to myself.

I stood there, flipping my sight back and forth from him and my leave-of-absence papers. My hands itched badly, wanting to snatch the documents from his hands, but I controlled myself. I can't blow my cover before I even got out of the school, can I?

Finally, he turned to me with a smirk. My heart fell. He had that uncanny expression of self-confidence and masochism.

"We will only grant you this vacation for a price, Persona. Before the said date, you need to fulfill the following conditions agreed upon by the administration," he said. "Otherwise the contract is off."

I looked stunned. "But...I thought you already approved it? It's right there in the documents."

"Well, you didn't read the fine print did you? The conditions are also right there."

Crap, I thought. "What are the conditions?"

"From now on, you will use your real name - Serio. You will also have to keep your accessories to prevent your alice from causing too much damage," he drawled.

No problem there. I saw on the internet that male accessories were trendy again in the city. I'll have no trouble fitting in.

"To prevent you from getting any ideas of running away, we will send Jinno and Narumi to check on you every week."

Bummer, I thought, to think I was _so_ close to getting away with my plans of escape. On the bright side, I might as well enjoy my temporary freedom.

Slightly moping, I prepared myself to hear more of the conditions. What else did the administration decide? Install a microchip in my tissues so they could detect my location? Hire spies to follow me around? What??

"And to further cover your real identity and any connection to the academy," he continued, picking up the pen on his table and skillfully twirling it with his fingers. "You are therefore required to choose among your male dangerous ability type students to parade as your son. You will have a vacation, only as a father and son, to prevent arousal of suspicion from the Anti-Alice Organization."

I blinked stupidly. It's a good thing I wore a mask. "My what?"

"Choose one of your students to act as your son."

Now _that, _dear diary, I didn't see coming.

O-----------------------------o

**Friday, 6 pm**

Dear Diary,

This afternoon, I called on my dangerous ability type students for an emergency meeting.

I announced that we had a new perilous mission. I had to choose among them who would come with me.

The fact of the matter is that I'm actually going to choose who among them could possibly act as my son. I thought of a plan to deceive my students and make it look like a mission instead of a vacation. They can decide amongst them and whoever got the majority of votes will wind up coming with me.

It's a piece of cake. They will never suspect a thing.

"We are to scout the suburban areas of the city and locate the hide-outs of the anti-alice organization," I explained, leaning on the huge closed door of the room. Crossing my arms, I was glad my mask hid the mischief that I knew was seeping through my eyes. "I am to bring one of you to this important mission outside the academy. A weekly report will be delivered to selected teachers, who will relay the message to the administration."

I looked at them one by one.

Nobara was listening intently to every word, as I expected.

Some of the other students were positioned in front of their respective windows. There seemed to be a silent territorial agreement among my students and each claimed a window for their selves so they can stare outside and space out.

Rui was standing behind Nobara, a serious look on his face. He was staring at a paper with a big red "F" written at the upper right hand corner.

Hayate was sitting at the edge of the lengthy, rectangular table, which was positioned horizontally from where I was, right at the center of the room. He looked downright bored.

Yakumo squatted at the far right corner of the room, staring down at a bucket he had positioned on the floor. Youichi was right next to him, wide-eyed.

Natsume was lying on the couch adjacent to where Yakumo was, leaning against one of the throw pillows, his hands behind his head, and one of his comics smacked on his face.

I continued my speech.

"You will be the ones to decide who among the male members of your group will come with me and as a cover story…we shall act like father and son." I saw Hayate try to fight a choke. I ignored him.

"Do it now." I ordered. "I shall wait here. Make it quick." Then I added for a scary effect. "Or I will have to decide for myself and punish the rest of you. I do not want indecisions among my students."

Hayate jumped from the table. "All right then! It's decided! Anybody with a manga on his face will go with Persona," he said with finality, as soon as his feet landed on the floor. He smirked.

Natsume was the only one with a manga on his face, and the only person fast asleep in the room. The rest of the dangerous ability types, except Nobara and Yakumo and Youichi, nodded in favor of his decision.

"B-But…it's unfair volunteering him when he's asleep. Can't Natsume have a say in the matter?" Nobara asked fearfully. She frowned and eyed the sleeping fire-wielder.

"I really don't care. He's a bum lately, hanging out with that pigtailed girl all the time. Let this be his retribution for his indolence," Hayate pointed out. He walked towards where Nobara sat and patted the top of her head. "Besides, he's the best choice around here. Rui, you, and I are always doing the job. Youichi will be a burden. You can't expect Yakumo to go as Persona's son, can you? Why he'd be sent straight to the museum! He looks more like a mummy than a normal human being. Right, Yakumo?"

All eyes turned to Yakumo who didn't seem to hear; he looked too engrossed with his bucket.

I watched Hayate scratch his head, and he walked over to Yakumo's corner.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hayate questioned, peeking over Yakumo's shoulder. Equally curious on what Yakumo could possibly find amusing with a bucket, I watched the disgust breaking from Hayate.

"Augh, Yakumo! You're drowning a mouse again?"

"Yeah," Yakumo shrugged nonchalantly and returned to watching his mouse drown to death. Youichi poked at the desperate mouse and looked as amused as Yakumo. I immediately recalled the psycho-hamster. Yakumo sure had interesting techniques against mice. I pondered if the same method will work to kill that psycho-hamster.

"Weirdo." Hayate sighed. "Well whatever, do what you like."

"It's settled then. Natsume will be Persona's son," Rui chimed, crumpling his test paper into a ball and threw it in the direction of the couch. "I think Natsume would easily pass off as Persona's son."

The crumpled paper burnt to a crisp in midair, and everybody knew Natsume had woken up.

"I would easily pass of as _who's_ son?" a familiar grumpy voice demanded.

"We decided you will be the one to go with Persona and act like his son in the next mission," Rui explained casually, he raised a fist and stuck out his pinky finger, consequently followed by the rest. "First, you look like a younger version of him. Second, you're as scary as him. Third, you two have practically the same personality…"

Rui obviously hit a nerve, because Natsume clenched his fists so hard it could have easily squeezed the juice from a lemon. "Fourth, you're a kid and people will easily believe you're his son. Fifth, you're always running off during meetings. Sixth, you both look like you're ready to kill someone. Like father, like son. You're perfect." He waved his open palm in front of Natsume. "See? I even ran out of fingers!"

Before Natsume decided to burn Rui, I interceded to prevent further chaos. If the dangerous ability type class gets out of hand, it _really_ gets out of hand.

"It's settled then." I turned to Natsume, trying to stop myself from grinning. I strode towards him and bent over. "From now on Natsume, you should call me Daddy." I said. I tried to make it sound like a command. Strangely, I found the prospect having him as my son quite…pleasing.

Before things got out of hand, I walked over to the doors, unlocked it and stepped in the doorway. "Pack your things. We shall be leaving tonight."

I walked away and hid behind one of the large panels, pretending to disappear. When they thought I was gone, I eavesdropped on their conversation.

Hayate's laugh was inimitable. "Hahaha! Yeah Natsume, come on let's hear it. _Da_—_ddee_. Daaa---ddee. Come on. Come on. Give us a sample!" He pronounced each syllable with utter amusement.

"Da….I'll kill you…" Natsume replied angrily.

I didn't bother to know what happened next. I was too delighted with the turn of events.

Whoever thought I can bring Natsume along with me? As my son to boot!

Dear diary, life is getting good.

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**To be continued…**

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	13. Page 13: Their New Home

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for putting up with my whacky-ness…my funky persona-fied readers. Love y'all! Any kind of review will be much appreciated, I'll be happy any way.

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**Vocabulary**

**Willy** – slang for male sexual organ.

o----------------------------------------------------------------------------O

**Persona's Secret Diary**

Genre: Humor / Friendship

Written By: Wrath of Athena

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**Page 13**

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**Friday, 11 pm.**

Dear Diary,

I really don't know why I always seem to find myself in the wrong places at the most convenient of times. I'm suffering from excitement for the next day to come. I hoped a nightly walk would help put me to sleep.

Who am I to be blamed? Tomorrow is _the_ big day - the first day of my long-awaited vacation! I walked down the halls of the administration building, enjoying the cool solemn air of midnight when a muffled voice bumped off the walls and zoomed straight to my eardrums.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING WAKING US UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?! I was having my beauty sleep!"

"SILENCE!" came another, "…our problem with Persona is the reason why I called you two here."

The ruckus came from a room at the far end of the floor. Knowing all the faculty and administrators have gone off to slumber, I wondered who would be up at this time of the night. The voices were barely audible from where I was and since my curiosity got the better of me, I decided to investigate.

Detective Persona prowling in the middle of the night: oh yeah, that sounded good. Mwahaha.

Too bad I didn't know what I was getting my butt in to. I just had to know what's going on. Curiosity may kill the cat, but it won't kill me.

While I crept closer to the slightly opened door, I identified the owner of the second voice as the elementary principal's. The first one, I guessed, belonged to the junior high principal. Hearing two people I was strangely attracted to brought me to a lion's den.

I pretended to be a detective for my own amusement. I tiptoed towards the door and moved my head sideways to make sure no one was around. I could practically hear my own detective theme song play in my ears. I reached the slightly opened door and pressed my back against the rigid wall besides its frame, tuning in to the conversation. I was all set to hear the next part of their dialogue when I felt something expand in my chest. The air rose to my throat and escaped in the form of a hiccup.

"Did you hear that?" barked the elementary principal. I instantly covered my mouth and held my breath to stop myself from hiccuping again. My heart thumped. I shouldn't have spent the whole evening drowning myself in booze.

"No. Must be mice," said the high school principal impatiently to my relief. A sound of glass colliding with wood followed. "Now tell me why you woke us up in the middle of the night for a meeting. This better not be one of your wet dreams again. I told you wet dreams are part of puberty…even if you _were_ dreaming about men."

"Shaddap!" came the boyish cry, followed by a rigorous cough.

"Awww that's so cute. Our little boy's blushing!" snickered a female voice. I assumed it belonged to the junior high principal. Count on Hii-sama to add insult to injury. She loved making fun of somebody else's pain - especially mine - that evil, evil witch.

Oh how I hated her. Her giggles rang like annoying police sirens during a political campaign.

"That means you too, _Hii-sama_! Damn it. Stop making fun of my puberty."

"What? Your pubic hair?" continued her teasing.

A loud whack boomed through the door. Uncontrollably curious, I peeked with one eye through the small opening. There stood the elementary school principal and the high school principal beside a large wooden table. The junior high principal was sitting on the table, her legs dangling below and a red glowing mark on her cheek.

"HOW DARE YOU SLAP A WOMAN's FACE YOUNG MAN!" screamed Hii-sama, pulling out a mirror. She caressed the red patch and stared at her reflection, tears in her eyes. Her jaws were clenched in fury and she was sending the elementary principal glares only a woman could give.

The high school principal sighed and stepped between them.

"Look, I'd like this meeting to be over so I can get some sleep," he said calmly, "Now if I may intervene, I am aware of the issue going on with Persona." He glared at the two, who turned away from each other while crossing their arms. I should have bought my camera if I knew I'd be coming across a scene like that; all evil took over my conscience as I relished all the possible blackmails I could come up with.

"Fine!" the elementary principal pouted. A shadow fell on his face, and his tone switched to a deep pitch. "I do not wish to rely on Narumi and Jinno to keep an eye on Persona."

The high school principal yawned, and nodded. "I think that's a good idea."

"I also heard _Kamen no Kimi_ is to be accompanied by _that_ Natsume Hyuuga," the junior high principal pointed out, still staring at her reflection in her mirror. "…and I still don't forgive you for slapping me you nasty, nasty boy."

I found it flattering and annoying how the news traveled faster and faster these days. I am perplexed with the advancement in dissemination of information. How did it reach the principals in less than a day?

A mystery...

"Whatever. Anyway, _I_ shall be the one who keeps an eye on Persona and impede any attempt of breaking away from the academy," the elementary school principal finished, grabbing a small blanket on a nearby chair and flinging it over his shoulder. He turned to the two confused principals. "I will also invite someone they both know very well."

"Really? Who?"

"Yeah. Who?"

The elementary principal smiled mischievously - the kind you see on kids planning to kill their parents in a horror movie.

I remember their words clearly, dear diary.

I've been guessing for two whole hours, dear diary.

Who could that person be?

Oh god...couldit be...?

Serina...?

O-----------------------------o

**Saturday, 5 am.**

Dear Diary,

Ugh! I couldn't sleep the whole night trying to figure out the identity of that person the elementary principal planned to bring along. It must be Serina! Or maybe it's just me wanting that person to be Serina.

I'm at the back of the limousine right now, trying to hide you from everybody else.

Natsume is outside saying goodbye to his pesky classmates. Oh there he's turning around. You might be interested to know he has this forlorn look on his face. I just peered at the crowd gathered at the gate.

Wait.

Someone is missing…

…the pig-tailed girl.

Could it be…?

O-----------------------------o

**Saturday, 9 am.**

Dear Diary,

I KNEW IT!

This morning, Natsume, my son (I kind of like the sound of that...) and I settled in a small two-bedroom apartment. I would describe this place as close to shabby but not quite. The walls and ceiling needed some serious repairs but it these were minor aggravations. What really annoyed was the toilet, because it couldn't be flushed. Remind me later to call someone who will fix that. I refuse to defecate in a toilet bowl with someone else's evil turd floating there. Ewww.

I was in the middle of unpacking my collection of Barbie and Ken dolls when the doorbell rang. It caught me by surprise. For the good of my big willy, we just arrived! Who would pay a visit to absolute strangers in this area??

I commanded Natsume to open the door.

No answer came.

Sighing in exasperation, I gave up and decided to open the door myself. When I got to the entrance, Natsume had already opened the door and was standing there frozen in place. I couldn't see the visitors because the wall blocked my view. Wondering what caused this strange reaction, I walked over to the corner and looked towards the doorway.

I froze in my place, gaping there together with Natsume.

The elementary school principal and the pigtailed girl, Mikan Sakura, were standing in the doorway grinning like crazy and for totally different reasons.

"Natsume…!!! I'm so happy to see you!!!" the Sakura girl cried, hopping towards the scandalized boy. Natsume shifted his gaze between the girl and the elementary principal.

I fixed my eyes on the goblin-like smile on the elementary school principal, falling to the chocolate "Welcome New Neighbors!" cake between his hands. He asked deviously if he could come in, and what do you think I did? Turn them down? Hell no, dear diary! I'm more of a coward than that!

"I need to go to the toilet…" were my last words before I rushed up to my room, grabbed you, and locked myself inside the bathroom - leaving Natsume to handle the situation by himself.

You can't possibly expect me to show my face there with perplexed emotions getting the better of me, can you?

I wonder what they're doing out there…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------O

**To be continued…**

o----------------------------------------------------------------------------O


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